I've been blessed with wonderful things, like the birth of my son but I have also received terrible news that I have yet to grasp. I don't think I will ever grasp it...I don't think I want too. It breaks my heart, it's not fair and it royally sucks ass.

I keep asking myself "Why did this happen?" "Why her?" She was young still. 49 is still young and she was taken from me...from us...her family. I can't cry because I'm afraid too. When you lose someone so close to you, so many emotions are planted that you don't know how they will clash with each other. Emotionally break down could be a good thing to some but for me it's a bad thing.

I'm alone now. I have my sister and brother which I am dearly grateful for. The hell with my other family. When we needed them the most, help...anything, emotional support, sympathy, a simple it will be okay would have been nice but got nothing in return. They got what they wanted. Their problem is gone.

Last Wednesday, any daughter dreads to get a phone call...A hysterical sister on the line, telling me I need to come to her...our mother was dead. She had passed away in her sleep. I felt my world crumble, my heart break into a million pieces and I hurt. It's really scary when you saw the person that Sunday and your sister talked to her the night before.

No answers as to why but hopefully one day we will know why she left us so sudden. We are drained down to nothing, emotionally and financially. She had nothing and it worried us three kids to the core how were we going to bury her when there was nothing. $50 in her account couldn't cut it. But we managed and on Friday our mother will have a simple but meaningful funeral.

God rest her soul, she will truly be missed.

Which comes to until we can get out of this rut and I'm back on track and out of the whole, I'm afraid everything will be put on hold. Maybe I can scrounge around and renew my subscription. I don't like the plainness and emptiness of being just a member. If not, then it can wait.



On a cooler note: April 18, 2009.....

Who would have ever guessed, I never did in a million years that I would receive a DD. Not to mention everything that came with it. I couldn't tell you how many messages and favorites I had. I was blown away. I never knew....

My PSP Version Splatter Brushes [link] received the DD. That's like awesome stuff. I thank for giving my brush set the DD.


*Gallery/Account is getting a overhaul
*Rules are being redone once again and placed inside each brush set.
*Brushes Preview redone. I don't like the ones that are being used. Time for new ones again.
*Brushes Journals, redo
*Upload remaining brushes for PS and GIMP
*Pray for a miracle that I can get this stuff done.

I'll add all the other stuff later. I need to figure that out as well. But now I'm off to bed.